Hello, my name is Carol, I am in my late 40's and live in Scotland. I share my home with a number of cats and one dog. I have a grown up son who lives about 10 miles from me and who is busy leading his own life.
I am one of those disabled people who are not bad enough to receive disability benefits, but am too disabled to be employable. In short I fall between the cracks of society. This is my blog and my daily struggle.
Since the age of twelve I have suffered from extremely severe and disabling migraines. I spend a minimum of 2/3 days a week, every week in bed in severe pain unable to do anything but lie in the dark and wish for the pain to end. I have seen numerous doctors and specialists over the years and tried every medication available. Some have worked for a short time, and others have not worked at all. I even volunteered to participate in a study which involved a minor heart procedure resulting in the closure of a PFO (patent foreman ovale). This actually made them worse, not better. I also have a history of depression and I know I should probably see the doctor again as I feel it getting worse lately, but from past experience, there doesn't seem to be anything I can take without horrible side effects. I seem to be unusually sensitive to those, regardless of the medication and what it is for.
I also have a skin condition called psoriasis. This affects only my hands at the moment. The condition is fairly new to me, and I have only had it for about a year. During this time it has developed a pattern of flare ups and remissions, each lasting for several weeks at a time. The steroid cream helps, but when I stop using it, it flares up as bad as before.
Those are the three main ones I live with, other minor irritants (in comparison) that I live with is torticollis (neck spasms) and IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome).
I am single, and have been for about 4 years. Sometimes I am happy to be on my own (no need to have to think about anyone else when I'm feeling really ill). Sometimes I get lonely and wish there was someone special in my life who I could lean on. Past experiences have made me want to shy away from relationships. The men in my life who I have had previous relationships with have always meant well at the beginning, but gradually comments like 'I understand and want to help' have always changed over time to 'You can't be sick again'. Eventually, the relationships dissolve. and I am left on my own again.
I long ago gave up wondering 'why me?'. Bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people at times - that is just the way the world works, and I have learned to accept that. At least I am not in a wheelchair, I still have my sight, hearing and the use of my limbs etc. Although I have disabilities, I am always aware that they could be much worse and I am grateful that they are not.
Having a fairly good day today, so going to take the dog out and try and get back before the rain starts (looking very cloudy out there at the moment). More later...
